So one day I went to my local restaurant that served Middle Eastern food. My favorite food from that region is hummus. So I go in there, sit down at a table, and the waiter asks me what I'm going to eat. I say "Bring me hummus wrapped in pita bread with tomatoes, onions, and ketchup. The waiter says "OK, I'll be back in 10 minutes with your order. Anything to drink?" I order Sprite because it's my favorite soda. The waiter brings me out a glass of Sprite, while I go to the bathroom to wash my hands. I do my business and then come out and sit down. Ten minutes pass by and the waiter comes out with a pita wrap stuffed to the top with hummus. I take the order, and VOILA! There is a dead fly in my hummus! I was shocked! I immediately started a thought process in my brain. How did it get there? Maybe it came all the way from the Middle East while savoring the great taste of hummus. Or maybe it was a local fly that happened to die and then drop into the hummus.
If it was a Middle Eastern fly, then was it Muslim, Christian, or Jewish? If it was Jewish, then this was the best case scenario, as I am Jewish myself. If it was Jewish, was it religious or not? If it was religious, then its yarmulke is somewhere close by. If it wasn't, then I couldn't tell, unless it had a Jewish last name, like Goldberg, Steinberg, or Weinberg.
Next, the middle case scenario was if the fly was Christian. If it was Christian, did it have a cross? If it did, then where is it? If not, then is it a true believing Christian or a sinner? I learned quite a bit about sin and repentance while waiting for a bus on College Ave. Almost every day, a preacher yelled at the top of his lungs, "Repent! Repent! Only that way you could go to Heaven" or "The Bible says 'thou shalt not commit adultery' or "Homosexuality is a sin! You WILL go to hell if you're gay!", but if a man looked at a woman with lust then he committed adultery in his heart." Too bad, it didn't live on College Ave to listen to the preacher's words, or did it? If the fly was a sinner, then it would be in Hell. If it was a good fly, a true Christian, it would be in Heaven. Was dying in the hummus and then being transported halfway across the world Hell or Heaven? I don't know about that, since I don't know the fly.
Lastly, the worst-case scenario is if the fly is Muslim. If it is, then I'm 99.99% confident that it had negative feelings toward Israel. There is also the possibility that it trained with Al-Qaeda in the mountains of Afghanistan and Pakistan. If it did, then its commanders probably sent it to the United States for subversive activity. If this was the case, then was it on FBI radar? If it was, then why didn't the FBI act sooner? Also, if it was on the FBI list, then was it on the no-fly list? If it wasn't on the FBI radar, it wasn't on the no-fly list. Lastly, I doubt that the fly blew itself up, because then it would be in tattered and torn pieces. If the fly was Muslim, then it couldn't possibly eat pork. Also, if it had a wife-fly, then most likely she was constantly battered and oppressed. Where was the fly's Quran? Did it drink alcohol? Did it gamble? Did it fly into strip clubs? Most likely, no, if it was religious.
After finishing brainstorming all of the outcomes, I called up the waiter, and told him there was a fly in my hummus. He apologized, and brought me a new pita with hummus. I looked in there, and there was no fly. I then proceeded to enjoy the best-tasting hummus ever.
